I’m usually pretty good at noticing the tiny moments and people around me and really appreciating them. But, this week has brought me to a whole new level of gratitude of where my life is and who it’s brought into my bubble. I suppose taking a look at how far you’ve come rather than how far you have to go will do that to ya.
I came into work late Tuesday and was surprised by what was waiting for me. I brag about my job all the time so it’s no secret I work for a bunch of guys. A bunch of young, silly, nerdy guys. But we are like family. I am the little sister who is nosey and they are the brothers that annoy me. Family! They only knew parts of what was going on in my life that day, but they went out of their way to make me smile brighter. Donuts, kolaches, flowers. That night I went to bed shedding a few tears because it hit me. It all hit me. I made it. I may not be where I want to be yet, but thank God I’m not where I was.
No matter who ISN’T in our lives– we have all we need.
I looked at Simon and how close he needed to be to me which meant he trusted me; he needs me. This tiny human I created is SAFE and healthy and it’s because of the mistakes I made and the pain I experienced that made me want to do everything I can to protect him– and I am doing it with out even noticing.
I always pray that God removes those who don’t belong and He does. It hurts sometimes at first, but He does it and I never really took notice who He was replacing them with, until now.
Makes me want to cry just thinking about it all over again.
Simon and I are surrounded by healthy friendships and people every day. Every damn day. I wake up and go to work with people who appreciate my efforts and care enough to encourage me to do better and be better. Who genuinely ask how I am and listen if there is something I need to talk about. Who take notice if my face is not smiling.
The delivery guys even stop and time is money for them. I go home and my family is SOLID. My friends.. you guys check on me from time to time and don’t get hurt when you don’t hear from me. You know that I am here when needed and if there is ever something I can’t handle, I know you’re there and it means more to me than I could ever express that you guys give me that space.
I look back at the (stupid) decisions I’ve made, but don’t think I’d take any of it back. It’s all brought me to where I am and made me WHO I am. And I LOVE it all.
I have everyone in my life and those who have come & gone to thank. The bad made me stronger, the good made me believe in more and somewhere along the way it has made me more confident in myself and has watered my trust in what God is doing and what He has planned is way bigger than I could ever imagine.
I no longer have anyone telling me what to do, what to wear, how to act, who to be, ect. I no longer desire someone to love me because I don’t love myself. I am me and I don’t apologize for it and it turns out that I have a lot of people who love ME.
Two words… THANK YOU… they will never be enough.