It’s 3am and everything I didn’t have time to think about yesterday is flowing through my brain.
“I didn’t make his doctor’s appointment.”
“We didn’t read tonight. Crap. I’m the worst mom. Ever.”
then it changes…..
“Hey, that guy never responded. What a dick.”
“He liked her selfie, but not mine?!”
“I just need to accept that I’m going to be single forever. Guys suck nowadays.”
“There’s a dip in the middle of my bed. This is sad.”
“What I wouldn’t give for a ‘good morning beautiful’ text from someone I was actually into.”
I could go on and on, but do you see where I’m going with this?
We become these insanely independent, driven creatures the day we become moms. We suddenly realize that we don’t NEED a man and we are ready to do it alone if necessary. But at the end of the day when we have time to stop and think– we can’t run from our hearts desire. We need to be needed, most of the time, that’s why we are such nurturers and some days we just want someone there to support us, to cheer us on, to take control and carry the weight for a minute. Make us laugh, blush, not think! Things we don’t get from our everyday routines. Men who can be our outlet, not an added stress.
When we date, most of us date with purpose. We have higher expectations than people without kids because we aren’t just dating for us anymore and our schedules limit time devoted to this person and the relationship. This is why dating single moms is not for weak men. It’s for the strong. The loyal. The committed. The decision maker. The brave. The fearless. The fighter. The team player. A Khal Drogo!
So we start asking ourselves the important questions….
“Will this person communicate?” I’m teaching a child to communicate and that’s hard as it is and I don’t have the patience left to teach a grown man.
“Is this person trustworthy?” There will be long periods of time without physical touch and I need to know that this person will get creative instead of going elsewhere.
“Does this person even care about mine and my child lives?” They might be a part of it some day and should be the least bit curious about what’s going on, right?
“Will this person be a good example?” My child’s dad isn’t around much and he/she deserves a strong male figure in their life to set an example.
“Does this person have the balls to do this? Is he man enough?” It’s big shoes to fill.
“Is this person confident enough to not feel threatened by my child’s father?”
Most importantly… “will this person love my child more than he loves me?”
All normal relatable questions we think about, but are we sure we want the answers to them?!
Heres your answer: No. Because the truth is.. no body is perfect and women tend to have this misconstrued idea of how it’s going to be. We watch Lifetime, Disney and romantic comedies that add fuel to the fire and we are somehow met with disappointment more often than not. We gotta stop!
Men aren’t women. They forget your birthday, they are ambitious creatures who are focused on the one thing in life that makes them who they are–their careers, goals, dreams, aspirations; it’s their manhood and livelihood! Not to mention they can only focus on 1 thing at a time. BUT, here’s the good news so don’t panic-there is a man perfect for you and your child! And you’ll know when it happens. So wait for it and let it in when it comes. Single mom dating is tough because if things don’t work out there are more hearts breaking than just ours. This is why I say WAIT FOR IT! It will come. God gave us these kids to teach us the patience it takes and to help keep us busy until we and our men are ready.
They may not come in the shape or form you expected and they may need some help along the way, but I know there ARE men out there that WILL love your child more than you. They WILL devote time and effort to you that leaves no room for doubt or insecurities. They WILL want to be a part of your lives and you apart of theirs. They WILL not give up trying to be the best man they can be for you and your child. They won’t stop fighting for you. Don’t close your mind to endless opportunity at love. Don’t hurt yourself by not accepting that some guys show love in different ways. Be patient. Be kind. For you and also for him. Because this is for your child more than it is you.
And I know because I’ve seen it; with my own dad and I’ve watched friends meet the men of their dreams and get their happy-ever-after and I am happy to say I know a couple of really amazing men who are looking for women like us!
So, keep the hope, continue to build your life, but be realistic. Being a single mom is terrifying to most men so don’t take it personal. It’s not you and it’s not them; it just wasn’t a good fit. Luckily God gave us the skills to survive without them.
Can’t say the same for them without us 😉😏
In the meantime.. it’s trial & error, my dear. Technology has damaged our communication skills, but speak up! Stand for what you want and don’t settle just because you think you want to settle down because it’s not just you anymore.